Last week I battled the elements to try to decipher what was going on at Tustin High (see photo above), where Villa Park and Tustin engaged in one of the best high school football games I have ever allegedly seen.

Visibility was impossible from the press box, so I went down to the sidelines for the second half where visibility was slightly better, and by better I mean I still didn’t know what I was seeing. Tustin’s field is surrounded by a fence, so there is about 10 feet from the playing field to the fence. There’s not much room to maneuver. I felt like I was covering a football game inside the octagon.

Villa Park running back Meki Tafuna practically willed the Spartans to victory, helping them rally from an early 14-0 deficit to beat Tustin, 35-34, in the CIF-SS Southwest Division semifinals.

Meanwhile, Mr. FryDay Night ran into similar fog issues at Orange Coast College where Edison rallied to beat Foothill, 22-16, in the other Southwest Division semifinal. Mr. FryDay Night didn’t whine and complain about the conditions.

“I challenged the fog to leave Orange Coast College,” Mr. FryDay Night said.

Mr. FryDay Night was already in championship week form, staring down Mother Nature like Clint Eastwood in one of those spaghetti westerns.

Here are some of the quotes you will probably see a lot of during championship week:

“I challenged the … “ 

The great coaches know how to motivate, and that means you you have to challenge the defense and challenge the offense and challenge the special teams. Sometimes you have to challenge Mother Nature just like Mr. FryDay Night.

“We wanted it more than them.” 

This is football fact.

“Nobody believed in us.”

This is also a football fact that everybody believes that nobody believes they had a chance to win a championship.

“I take my hat off to … “

There will be a lot of hats being taken off as a show of respect following the championship games at Angel Stadium.

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS AND FACTORS HEADING INTO THE CHAMPIONSHIPS:

‘The Swami’ might have a scheduling conflict

I dubbed Troy girls basketball coach Roger Anderson “The Swami” after he called Long Beach Poly’s 21-16 upset over Mission Viejo in the quarterfinals. He also said the Jackrabbits would be too much for St. John Bosco of Bellflower in the semifinals and Poly won again, 13-10.

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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

My mom, Sue, came down from Fresno to visit me and her best pal, Sue. That’s right, the two Sues have been reunited. The last time the two Sues assembled I performed a Thursday Night Football Madness scientific experiment. I had the two Sues make football picks based on what mascots they liked, while I used my vast OCVarsity knowledge to make my picks.

I got crushed by both Sues.

So I’m not about to perform anymore scientific experiments with the CIF-SS football quarterfinals looming on Friday. Instead, I decided to take the two Sues to the movies on Tuesday night. We always try to pick a movie that is an Oscar contender.

On our last excursion to the cineplex, we chose “The Master,” starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, Joaquin Phoenix and Amy Adams and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. The decision was largely based on what I had read about the film. I mean, how could it be a bad flick with Hoffman, Phoenix and Adams?

“The Master” proved to be the wrong movie to watch with the two Sues. There were way too many cringe-worthy scenes with a lack of clothing and colorful language for two grandmas with a combined 11 grandchildren to handle.

This time, we all decided on “Argo,” directed by and starring Ben Affleck. The film is set during the 1979 Iranian hostage crisis. The CIA decides to attempt a daring rescue of six Americans that escaped the U.S. embassy while it was being overrun by revolutionaries. The plan is to pose as a Canadian film crew scouting sites to shoot a Sci-Fi action flick.

There’s no way this could go wrong, right? It turned out to be a great film. Alan Arkin steals every scene he is in, John Goodman and Bryan Cranston were great, and Affleck continues to impress ever since he survived his “Daredevil” and “Reindeer Games” faze.

The two Sues were happy and agreed “Argo” is going to be up for some major awards.

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Many of the ideas and theories for “The Arias Factor” come to me as I ponder the mysteries of the universe while watching “Fringe.” I was hoping I would draw some inspiration from the Season 3 premiere of “The Walking Dead” on Sunday.

Obviously, I was trying to figure out where I would fit in with the group under the “Ricktatorship.” I’m not very good with a crossbow, so that would hamper my Zombie killing skills. I’m not very fast, so I would probably slow down the group. I’m good with a machete. I would come in handy with the lack of bullet availability. I’ve done a lot of camping, so I can make a fire and I have good survival skills.

I would definitely be down with Rick Grimes’ decision to clear the prison of Zombies, so we could have a well-protected home. The prison has plenty of good soil to grow crops, a weapons stash, medicine and a huge supply of canned food. I find canned food delicious, so that’s another plus for me. We could go cell block by cell block to clear each area of Zombies. It’s just about as safe as you can get in a Zombie Apocalypse.

BTW, I want to marry Michonne. How do you not fall in love with a hot Katana sword-wielding super-woman?

Unfortunately, I was unable to connect my “Walking Dead” theories and speculation to O.C. football this week, so let’s just jump into all the action.

RANDOM THOUGHTS AND FACTORS HEADING INTO WEEK 8:

What is the best rivalry in the O.C.?

Mission Viejo vs. Tesoro isn’t the oldest rivalry in the county, but it has rapidly developed into my favorite. First, I love blood feuds and these two schools hate each other. Word on the streets is Tesoro girls aren’t allowed to date Mission Viejo boys and vice versa or face Hatfields and McCoys-style retribution. Second, both of these teams are always contenders for league and CIF-SS titles. It all adds up to mayhem on the football field. Tesoro stumbled last week against El Toro, but the Titans will be ready for Mission Viejo. Mission Viejo has been pounding teams. The Diablos have won the past three meetings against the Titans, including last season’s 14-7 nail-biter. I will be at Tesoro on Friday at 7 p.m. to witness the latest chapter in this rivalry.

Not the time to lay an egg

Mater Dei coach Bruce Rollinson summed up the Monarchs’ 24-7 Trinity League triumph over Santa Margarita perfectly: “We’re going to enjoy it. I guarantee you that. But your bubble bursts if you turn around and lay an egg next week. You know, I think we learned our lesson about that last year.” Next up on the calendar for the Monarchs is a Trinity League showdown against St. John Bosco of Bellflower on Friday at 7:30 p.m. at Santa Ana Stadium. St. John Bosco might be the best 3-4 team in the state. The Braves had to forfeit four victories because of an ineligible player. The Braves are undefeated on the field.

Keep the grief counselors on speed dial

If JSerra, which almost upset St. John Bosco before falling, 44-41, last week, knocks off Servite on Friday at 7:30 p.m. at Saddleback College, Credo Nation is going to have a collective meltdown of epic proportions. This could be the week the Lions beat Servite for the first time in school history.

Nervous time in the Trinity League

Santa Margarita (6-1, 1-1) and Orange Lutheran (6-1, 1-1) are tied for third behind Mater Dei (6-1, 2-0) and St. John Bosco (3-4, 2-0) in the Trinity League. Every game in the Trinity League is important. The Eagles and Lancers meet on Friday at 7:30 p.m. at Orange Coast College. The winner can control its path to the Pac-5 playoffs.

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And with the first pick in the Sesame Street Fantasy League Football Draft … Big Bird.

What? Heck no! You’ve gotta be kidding me!

Sure, Big Bird is an 8-foot two-way lineman with loads of potential, but he’s Big Bird. Big Bird doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. When I’m looking for a bad dude to line up in the trenches, I’m not looking for Big Bird. Tickle me Elmo has more game than Big Bird.

Who would be my No. 1 draft pick from Sesame Street?

Kermit the Frog has no size or speed. Mr. Snuffleupugas? Come on, Snuffleupagus won’t even wake up on time for kickoff.

Count von Count? Please. Count wouldn’t even last a half. Coach Welch would have him running laps and he’d be spending all day counting the laps he’s running.

Oscar the Grouch? This guy lives in a garbage can. There’s no way Oscar could deal with Coach Rollinson.

Animal? Animal is my boy. That’s my No. 1 Sesame Street Fantasy League Draft Pick. I know Animal can parlay his drumming skills into football ability. I need a a dude that has high energy and is willing to do anything to help the team achieve victory. That’s Animal.

HERE ARE SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS AND FACTORS HEADING INTO WEEK 7:

I’m back, baby

Sure, Johnny Stanton is gone for the season, but my Eagles rallied up and defeated Servite, 21-0, to make sure that I had OCVarsity Pickapalooza Deathmatch glory. Take that Mrs. FryDay Night. I’m sticking with my boys in blue when they take on Mater Dei on Friday at 7:30 p.m. at Saddleback College. This shall be another tough Trinity League battle, but the Eagles shall prevail.

Real deal check

O.C. football coaches and observers continue to challenge the voracity of El Toro QB Conner Manning’s stats and legitimacy. Enough already. Manning is realer than “Real Deal” Holyfield. The kid is too legit to quit. He’s gonna put up Madden stats against anybody. Get used to it. It’s extremely hard to sack him when he does three-step drops. He’s super smart, so it’s hard to hit him with blitz packages. You can’t go touchdown-for-touchdown with El Toro, because the Chargers will keep scoring. The South Coast League has been presented with a dilemma. Tesoro is used to dealing with strange mathmatical problems. The Titans have three fourth-quarter wins against quality opponents this season. We’ll find out a lot about El Toro and Tesoro on Friday at 7 p.m. at Trabuco Hills High.

Time to step up

Los Al has feasted on cupcakes and tomato cans so far this season and Coach John Barnes notched his 300th victory. The Griffins bring a 5-1 record into its Sunset League showdown against Edison. The Griffins have had a fun time so far this season, but now they will have to deal with the grinder that is the Chargers’ defense. Edison doesn’t play around. The Chargers defense comes to games to chew bubblegum and kick butt. Most of the time they don’t bring any bubblegum, which means there are a lot of butts getting kicked. We’ll find out a lot about the Sunset League on Friday at 7 p.m. at Veterans Stadium.

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As I watched the final season premiere of “Fringe” on Friday night after witnessing Mission Viejo’s one-sided beating of Redlands East Valley, I began pondering the mysteries of the universe … and O.C. football.

Walter Bishop is my favorite character on television. Here’s how executive producer Jeff Pinkner decribed Walter on Fringepedia: “Walter is perhaps one of the most brilliant scientists known but in the name of science, and on behalf of the government back in the 70’s and the Vietnam/Cold War era, he has perhaps left a lot of harm in his wake. He has potentially damaged a lot of people and developed a lot of technologies that others may have exploited in the past. As a consequence, there either was or wasn’t a series of events that caused him to lose his mind and break down. He was found criminally guilty and put into an institution where they have done all kinds of advanced therapies to him, which have further damaged his mind. Despite all that, he’s the only person we can rely on to help us solve all these cases.”

Walter is known for his odd dining preferences, including cheese steaks, ginger ale, root beer floats, papaya, Frankenberry cereal, blueberry pancakes, raspberry-lemon cookies, apple fritters, strawberry and tuttie-fruitie milkshakes, ccffee cake with cinnamon and sugar, custard, coffee yogurt, Kentucky Grilled Chicken, pudding pops.

Walter often prescribes and administers his own medication, varying cocktails of psychedelic drugs and a personally developed hybrid of cannibis.

Check out some of Walter’s musings:

“Most of us experience life as a linear progression… …but this is an illusion – because every day, life presents us with an array of choices … each choice leads to a new path. To go to work. To stay home. And each choice we take creates a new reality.”

“They all died, young lady. Horrible and most likely painful death. You see, when you open new doors, there is a price to pay. Now imagine… tonight, you look under your bed, and, lo and behold, you find a monster! And you’re immediately eaten. Now, if you hadn’t looked for the monster, you wouldn’t have found it and you’d still be happy in your beds, instead of being slowly digested in the stomach sack of the creature. But, with any luck, your sister or your brothers might have heard your screams, and your endeavor will serve as a valuable lesson to them.”

“You were right. What you said before about the consequences, I don’t think of them, never have. Don’t know if I can. That’s not who I am.”

“With all due respect, Darwin got it all wrong. I used to make the joke that Darwin’s thinking was rather … unevolved. For a brilliant man, Darwin was occasionally a moron.”

“We’re all mutants. What’s more remarkable is how many of us appear to be normal.”

“In the seventies, I innocently wandered into the wrong home and it was three days before I realized my mistake. And unlike Olivia, the woman with whom I was sharing a bed didn’t look like my wife at all.”

“The ride back was invigorating. The turbulence over Ohio was like being in the belly of a seizing whale. I screamed like a little girl.”

“The human brain generates a quantifiable electric field. I possited in 1976, that it is possible to synchronize two distinct minds to allow the sharing of information across the unconcious state. Like a string between two tin cans.”

“I hope she doesn’t notice the two thousand dollars for the baboon seminal fluid I ordered. I hope I can recall why I ordered it.”

“Either a green unicorn just raced across the lab or I accidentally took some LSD.”

“Once you are given the order to put on the headphones, do not remove them under any circumstances. If you do, you may die a gruesome and horrible death. Thank you for your attention and have a nice day.”

“When I mentioned that the poison would kill me within the hour, did either of you happen to notice the time?”

For some reason, I believe Walter would make a brilliant high school football coach.

HERE ARE SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS AND FACTORS HEADING INTO WEEK 6:

The Thursday Night Football Madness game of the week is …

San Clemente vs. El Toro at Trabuco Hills High on Thursday at 7 p.m. The Tritons won’t know the status of injured starting QB Sean Donnelly until Wednesday. We know the status of El Toro’s record-smashing QB Conner Manning. He has been throwing up jaw-dropping stats. I mean, the kind of stats that make the heads of defensive coordinators explode Scanners’ style. Manning is averaging 428.7 passing yards per game. He has 27 TDs and one interception. The Charger naysayers say El Toro has played a soft schedule and Manning won’t put up those kind of stats when South Coast league play begins. Believe me, Manning will put up monster numbers against anybody. The Tritons are ready to welcome the Chargers back in into the South Coast League in this week’s league opener.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

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I’m supposed to use “The Arias Factor” to provide my thoughts on the O.C. football scene heading into each week. I’m doing my best to provide serious analysis of the O.C. football scene, but how can my OCVarsity bosses expect me to focus this week.

I mean, Marvel’s “The Avengers” Four-Disc Combo: Blu-ray 3D/Blu-ray/DVD + Digital Copy + Digital Music Download drops on Tuesday. By the time “The Arias Factor” posts on OCVarsity.com I will have already purchased “The Avengers” Blu-ray and watched it. I’m probably starting the Joss Whedon director’s commentary of “The Avengers” Blu-ray as you read this.

Seriously, I only got to see “The Avengers” five times when it was in theaters. I saw the midnight showing on opening night … in 3D. I saw it three more times in 3D and once in IMAX 3D. That’s only five times. That’s the average American’s normal amount of “The Avengers” viewings, right?

OK, time to focus on O.C. football. I promise, I’m not going to go off on an Avengers tangent. I won’t even think about … I can’t wait to see all the extras, deleted scenes, featurettes, making-of docs and gag reels.

Back to O.C. football. It’s time to dissect this week’s match … I can’t wait to dissect the best fight scenes from “The Avengers.” Was the Thor vs. Iron Man vs. Captain America fight the best fight in the movie? How about Hulk vs. Thor? No, Hulk vs. Loki has to be the one.

OK, now I’m focused like a laser beam on O.C. foot … Do you remember the Hulk punch from nowhere?

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“The Arias Factor” is still a neophyte in the OCVarsity Universe and I am still working on which direction to take this thing.

We’re clearly not going the “Fear Factor” route even though that would be a lot of fun. I still think it would be great to match Santa Margarita right tackle Riley Sorenson, a 6-5, 325-pounder, Orange Lutheran O-Lineman John Lopez, a 6-6, 315-pounder, and Tustin offensive lineman David Maka, a 6-5, 350-pounder, in a contest where they race to eat a bucket full of Madagascar hissing cockroaches. It would be ratings gold. My money is on Maka. Number Two, aka Brian Patterson, who is OCVarsity’s Commander William T. Riker, just might “engage” this idea after all.

I could easily turn “The Arias Factor” into something like “The O’Reilly Factor.”

I would start off each show with my “Talking Points.” This is where I lay out the case for my lead story such as how these left wing sports activists are trying to push European socialist programs that would get rid of football and replace it with futbol. Not on my watch. I will not stand by and watch these anti-American radicals replace your pigskin with a soccer ball. I’m boycotting France and bringing back Freedom Fries. I don’t trust a country that plays tennis … on clay courts.

I will tell people that I am not condescending or idealogical before being condescending and idealogical.

I will invite guests into my “No Spin Zone” where I will conduct “fair and balanced” interviews. By “fair and balanced” I mean I will berate and bully my guests into seeing things my way. I will invite conservative and liberal sports analysts and act as an unbiased referee, then I will jump on the conservative sports analyst’s side and we will tag-team the liberal sports analyst.

(Check out this week’s OCVarsity Pickapaloozza Deathmatch: Arias vs. Calhoun) 

My default setting will be to shout down and out-yell anyone who dares to disagree with me.

When I land a big interview with Mission Viejo coach Bob Johnson or Mater Dei coach Bruce Rollinson, I will spend weeks analyzing the interview by bringing in more analysts to provide expert analysis, which will always show me in a great light.

Oh yeah, I can’t forget about my body language analyst, the beautiful and brilliant Tonya Reiman, the author of “The Power of Body Laguage.” Reiman will point out when, where and why Johnson and Rollinson are recoiling or making a fist and what that means. Reiman will always point out how my body language is superior to everyone I interview, and how manly I am.

I will bring in Sarah Palin to babble incoherently on the hottest topics on the OC football scene. Why? I have no idea, but Momma Grizzly is ratings gold. I’m sure “The Factor” viewers will want Palin’s views on private schools vs. public schools being in the same playoff divisions. Palin supports my conspiracy about the existance of these left-wing athletic groups that want to replace your pigskin with a soccer ball.

I will bring in award-winning journalist Bernie Golberg and his no-nonsense brand of reporting on media bias. He will point out how all my enemies in the lamestream media are jealous because of my huge ratings. He always agrees with me on everything, of course, because I’m always right.

Look for “The Arias Factor” to be the most fair and the most balanced show you have ever seen in your entire life.

Here are some random thoughts and factors heading into Week 4:

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In the OCVarsity universe, Todd Harmonson is the big boss. Harmonson is the Captain Jean-Luc Picard of OCVarsity and Brian Patterson is his Number Two or Commander William T. Riker.

Number Two called me last week and said he wanted me to do a new weekly feature for OCVarsity. He wanted to call it “The Arias Factor.”

Immediately, I started thinking he wanted me to host a show where I made people eat maggots and Rocky Mountain oysters and jump off of buildings into a small pool ala “Fear Factor.”

That wasn’t what Number Two was thinking.

Number Two said he wanted “The Arias Factor” to be my thoughts on O.C. football heading into each week. Number Two said we already had the Xs and Os covered with “Fryer on Football” and the “Calhoun Countdown,” so he wanted me to basically have the freedom to go in any direction I wanted to go. That sounded like an interesting proposition, so I accepted the assignment.

If you are a regular OCVarsity visitor, I’m sure you caught our awesome Kickoff 2012 coverage and all of our preseason previews. We had lists for top defensive linemen, top wide receivers, top running backs, top offensive linemen, top defensive backs, top linebackers, top quarterbacks and Dan Albano’s OC Hot 100 players list.

But there was one list of players that was noticeably absent from our Kickoff 2012 coverage, and I will use the debut of “The Arias Factor” to rectify that problem.

We forgot to put together our top 10 list of OC players you want on your team in a Zombie Apocalypse. I guess we’ll call it the All-OCVarsity Zombie Apocalypse Team.

Obviously, I’m having “The Walking Dead” withdrawals. Season 3 premieres next month, and I have to find out what is going to happen to the group under the Ricktatorship. Katana sword-wielding Micchone finally joins in on the Zombie-killing mayhem. The Governor might go down as one of the most evil villains in TV history if they stay true to the books. I’m geeking out.

But back to the All-OCVarsity Zombie Apocalypse team …

After the recent earthquakes in L.A., I made sure to check my closet to make sure my Zombie Apocalypse survival kit, err, earthquake survival kit was stocked and ready in case disaster strikes. Of course, it was. I’m ready if this thing goes down. But that got me to thinking which O.C. football players would I want in my group if we ended up in a Zombie Apocalypse.

Santa Margarita quarterback Johnny Stanton was the first player to come to mind. He is a dual threat with his arm, speed and power. He’s a born leader and he’s cool under pressure. We’re going to need Stanton if we get cornered by a throng of Zombies. He can think on his feet and he’s a winner.

Tustin’s Ed Tandy / OCVARSITY PHOTO

Tustin linebacker/fullback Ed Tandy would be another perfect fit. Sometimes in a Zombie Apocalypse your shelter gets overrun by Zombies and you have to make a run for it. But while you are on the run you have to have guys that can take down 20 and 30 Zombies at a time. I know I could hand Tandy a hammer or a machete and he would kick some Zombie butt.

Tesoro defensive tackle Chazz Roberts is great at blindsiding quarterbacks or overwhelming offensive linemen and wreaking havoc in the backfield. I know Roberts would be able to take down multiple Zombies without giving away our position.

This group definitely needs somebody who is fearless and relentless in the face of overwhelming odds. I believe Mission Viejo safety/wide receiver Max Redfield is the man for the job. Redfield has that kind of athletic ability and he delivers the kind of crushing hits we’ll need if we run out of bullets or we don’t have any weapons. Redfield is a lethal weapon.

I’m not very fast, so I’m going to need some protection. That’s where San Clemente offensive tackle/defensive tackle Sean Harlow steps in. Harlow is a big, bad dude on the football field, and I’m sure that would transfer to excellent Zombie Apocalypse survival skills. And Harlow is super strong. In a Zombie Apocalypse the roads and freeways would be littered with abandoned vehicles. Harlow would be able to clear the road for us with ease.

The group in The Walking Dead has Glenn, who goes on solo scavenging missions into the city to find food, medicine and other things to keep the group going. Glenn is fast and can handle himself in a tight situation. That’s where speedy running back Drake Martinez of Laguna Beach fits in. Martinez has the speed and moves to get through a mission unbitten.

Every group that hopes to stay alive in a Zombie Apocalypse needs a sniper. Sometimes you need to do some Zombie killing from long range, and El Toro quarterback Conner Manning knows how to do that with his accurate and powerful arm. I’m sure I can hand him a sniper rifle and he could pick off Zombies with ease. If we run out of bullets, he can throw perfect spirals to take out Zombies with football head shots. Manning can also run our no-huddle, Zombie-killing offense.

Let me know which O.C. players you think deserve to be on the All-OCVarsity Zombie Apocalypse Team in the comments field below.

Here are some random thoughts and factors heading into Week 3:

Is Buena Park running back Deven Boston for real?

Deven Boston has rushed for a county-leading 824 yards and 14 touchdowns on 59 carries. Those aren’t Madden ‘13 stats. He put up those numbers in three real-life games. Thursday Night Football Madness will be emanating from Buena Park High this week, so I will get my first look at Boston when the Coyotes play host to undefeated JSerra, another talented young team that I’m looking forward to seeing.

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