We’re clearly not going the “Fear Factor” route even though that would be a lot of fun. I still think it would be great to match Santa Margarita right tackle Riley Sorenson, a 6-5, 325-pounder, Orange Lutheran O-Lineman John Lopez, a 6-6, 315-pounder, and Tustin offensive lineman David Maka, a 6-5, 350-pounder, in a contest where they race to eat a bucket full of Madagascar hissing cockroaches. It would be ratings gold. My money is on Maka. Number Two, aka Brian Patterson, who is OCVarsity’s Commander William T. Riker, just might “engage” this idea after all.
I would start off each show with my “Talking Points.” This is where I lay out the case for my lead story such as how these left wing sports activists are trying to push European socialist programs that would get rid of football and replace it with futbol. Not on my watch. I will not stand by and watch these anti-American radicals replace your pigskin with a soccer ball. I’m boycotting France and bringing back Freedom Fries. I don’t trust a country that plays tennis … on clay courts.
I will tell people that I am not condescending or idealogical before being condescending and idealogical.
I will invite guests into my “No Spin Zone” where I will conduct “fair and balanced” interviews. By “fair and balanced” I mean I will berate and bully my guests into seeing things my way. I will invite conservative and liberal sports analysts and act as an unbiased referee, then I will jump on the conservative sports analyst’s side and we will tag-team the liberal sports analyst.
My default setting will be to shout down and out-yell anyone who dares to disagree with me.
When I land a big interview with Mission Viejo coach Bob Johnson or Mater Dei coach Bruce Rollinson, I will spend weeks analyzing the interview by bringing in more analysts to provide expert analysis, which will always show me in a great light.
Oh yeah, I can’t forget about my body language analyst, the beautiful and brilliant Tonya Reiman, the author of “The Power of Body Laguage.” Reiman will point out when, where and why Johnson and Rollinson are recoiling or making a fist and what that means. Reiman will always point out how my body language is superior to everyone I interview, and how manly I am.
I will bring in Sarah Palin to babble incoherently on the hottest topics on the OC football scene. Why? I have no idea, but Momma Grizzly is ratings gold. I’m sure “The Factor” viewers will want Palin’s views on private schools vs. public schools being in the same playoff divisions. Palin supports my conspiracy about the existance of these left-wing athletic groups that want to replace your pigskin with a soccer ball.
I will bring in award-winning journalist Bernie Golberg and his no-nonsense brand of reporting on media bias. He will point out how all my enemies in the lamestream media are jealous because of my huge ratings. He always agrees with me on everything, of course, because I’m always right.
Look for “The Arias Factor” to be the most fair and the most balanced show you have ever seen in your entire life.
Here are some random thoughts and factors heading into Week 4:
Never bet against the Chargers
In Week 2, I picked Villa Park to upset Edison. Word on the streets was Edison’s offense wasn’t looking that great and I thought the Spartans might be able to pull off an upset. What was I thinking? Edison manhandled Villa Park, 27-7. In Week 3, I picked Servite to take down the Chargers. I was so confident in my pick that I put up my Thor hammer in the OCVarsity Pickapalooza Deathmatch against Mark Sosebee, the father of Chargers right tackle Boomer Sosebee. Who needs offense when you have a defense like Edison’s that is wreaking havoc on teams. The Chargers blanked Servite, 6-0, and the Mighty God of Thunder’s hammer is now in Sosebee’s possession. I’m not picking against the Chargers this week when they play Mater Dei on Friday at 7 p.m. at Orange Coast College.
The top-ranked Eagles rolled it up against Trabuco Hills, 55-0, and Carson, 72-0, the past two weeks. Johnny Stanton and Ryan Wolpin have been on a schoo-record smashing tear. Santa Margarita’s massive offensive line is pounding teams into the turf. The Eagles, ranked No. 2 in the state by Cal-Hi Sports, take on No. 14 St. Bonaventure of Ventura in their biggest test to date on Friday at 7 p.m. at Saddleback College. The Seraphs are 4-0 and battle-tested with victories over Centennial of Corona, 40-35, and Redlands East Valley, 18-7.
Pumas and Bigfoot at Tesoro on Friday
Chaparral had a bye week last week after a 40-30 victory over San Diego-powerhouse Oceanside the previous week. That victory helped the Pumas crack the state top-20 rankings. Tesoro has put together solid victories over Chino Hills, 24-14, and Colony of Ontario, 56-7, since the Titans proved what kind of heart it had by rallying to defeat Hart of Newhall, 10-7, on Aug. 31. We’ll see if running back Nate Tago can help the Titans ground-and-pound their way to victory. Game time is at 7 p.m. on Friday at Tesoro High. I’m still waiting for photographic proof of Bigfoot wandering the hills behind Tesoro High.
Matadors and Seahawks at the heart of OCVarsity Pickapalooza Deathmatch
Bolsa Grande plays at Ocean View on Friday at 7 p.m. in this matchup of 1-2 teams. I’m going with Bolsa Grande and OCVarsity’s own Damian Calhoun has decided to man up and go toe-to-toe with me in this week’s OCVarsity Pickapalooza Deathmatch. More on that later this week, but brace yourself for an epic Twitter war. Follow me on Twitter @LosOCVarsity and Calhoun @DamianCalhoun. DC better be ready to eat Tweet.
The Great OCVarsity Debate
For years, the Triton snack bar has reigned supreme over all other challengers in the OC snack bar world with its Triton Tri-Tip Sandwiches, Triton Tacos and Le Pom Pom Cafe. But the Buena Park snack bar has stepped up and delivered a stunner with its Coyote Tamales, Coyote Tacos and Coyote Dogs. I am a snack bar enthusiast and I am extremely enthusiastic about the Buena Park snack bar. There will be a debate about this topic. It’s coming soon.
Will OC fans step up this week?
I am still searching for the OC’s most fanatical football fans. Last week, I asked OC fans to Tweet photos of themselves in face paint, superhero gear, props, body armour, etc. I got zero response. You’ve got to be kidding me OC fanatics? I’m not asking anymore. I am demanding proof of OC’s most fanatical fans in the form of photos that I will highlight in “The Arias Factor.” Send them to me on Twitter @LosOCVarsity. Don’t make me take my football and go home. And don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. I get mean and green and I start Hulk smashing everything in sight.
Follow me on Twitter @LosOCVarsity.
More football news from the OCVarsity blog: